That Recluse Step
I often wonder the steps that I take to reach no place, the steps that I take for the troubled mind to come back to a state of rest, are the ones that almost always end in physical pain. What is advantage of living in a city when the advantage rots the mind? I could just wish for that one step that takes me to a place called peace.
I play a game of probability and I ask myself What is today going to be like? Smile or Snivel? the odds are even. And at the end of the day I realize, I haven't played a game. I was merely played by the daily dice of life, the thought arising from an actively sane mind. It is from the latter [the whining that comes from the proceedings of the day] that troubles begin to swell. It is then that a much needed walk is called for. Out comes desperation to silence the madness. For some, a walk would do.
I walked towards a tunnel that took me no where. Literally. It was pitch dark and I had no clue why I walked towards the unknown. It symbolized the state of mind - I don't need to go anywhere. I just need to take those few steps away from the 'sin' city to reach the mental state of silence. Barely in to the walk, I got blinded by a light. It was the moment of loss; a step further would have landed me in the abyss that was staring at me from toe to face.
I weighed the probability against the quest to seek moments of peace. I failed to investigate the source of that light. For all it meant, the step would have sealed fate. The abyss could well have been a cluse.
That one reclusive step, unlike the one from the tunnel, is still being searched for. For the walk to sport a destination while all the other questions are put to rest.
[cluse = a narrow valley]